That Nagging Feeling

I’m never truly happy unless something is bugging me.

It doesn’t have to be a big bother. In fact, it’s usually something minor, like I’m irritated by having to cancel a charge on my credit card that I never authorized.   

Though I can’t remember exact times, I have experienced states of euphoria. These are minutes when everything is perfect. I can only describe it as a chemical reaction. My whole body feels light and my head tingles. It will come upon me suddenly when I realize everything in my life at that exact moment is perfect.

I’ve wondered if it’s what hippies used to travel the world over for (with requisite backpacks slung over their shoulders and mom and dad’s cash wadded up in their jeans) searching for enlightenment.

During those times I consciously try to not think of anything.

But inevitably, all good things must come to an end, as they say, and a nagging thought starts to creep up in my head and eventually my mind becomes aware of a sliver of something that may not be just right.

And strangely enough, I’m OK with it – much like an itch that feels good when scratched.

These pesky thoughts keep me on my toes, my mind rolling. If I was in a perpetual state of nirvana, would I get anything done? Would I ever challenge myself? Would I want to think deeply about anything?

Is this an odd, perhaps some would say dysfunctional approach to life?

Sure. But after 51 years of thinking this way, I feel comfortable with it.

After all, I do some of my most creative thinking when I’m confronted with a real – or a perceived juicier problem.

Keeps life inside my head interesting, at least.